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I am so pleased to present this guest post by Nina Sankovitch, author of Tolstoy and the Purple Chair.

Seven years ago my oldest sister died of bile duct cancer, a rare and swiftly-moving cancer.  Diagnosed in January, Anne-Marie died in May.  The first months after she died were a haze of tears, anger, and despair.

How should I live, now that she was gone?

For three years I answered the question of “how to live” by cramming as much activity into every day that I could: if my sister had to die, I would live double, to make up for what she had lost.

But I still woke up every night crying and I spent every day fighting fatigue. I realized that I had not answered the question of “how to live” but had instead been running as fast as I could away from the reality of my sister’s death and the inevitability of my own.

What to do? [Read more…] about The only answer to sorrow is to live

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. – Lao Tzu

 

Don’t you get tired of being told to “just let go”?

Like it’s so easy or something.

But, the truth is that learning to let go of things, ideas, and people is actually a vital part of being able to bounce back in life.

Why?

Because the overarching skill needed for managing adversities both big and small is flexibility.

The opposite of letting go is, of course, hanging on or grasping as Buddhists might say. And that, of course, is not particularly flexible.

Why letting go sucks

But – ugh! – why is letting go so hard? Here are seven reasons:

[Read more…] about Why letting go sucks

I’m bookending this month’s resiliency quotes with a bit of boxing lore:

 

1. Mary Elder

Sometimes grace comes in the form of a punch in the face.

 

2. Michael Jordan

I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot… and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that’s precisely why I succeed.

[Read more…] about Bounce Boosters: 5 quotes to help you bounce back in life

First, a story:

In Ursula K. LeGuin’s classic fantasy novel, A Wizard of Earthsea, one person has power over another by knowing his “true name.” So it is that the people of Earthsea all go by nicknames, only revealing their true names to those they trust with their lives and hearts.

The story is told of a brash young wizard named Ged (his true name), who, in a vain show of his immature power, accidentally unleashes a dark spirit-monster from the depths of the other world. Ged is severely wounded by the creature which then flees into the night.

Upon recovering, Ged finds himself in mortal fear of this creature and, when he again encounters it, runs away and continues to run as the creature follows wherever Ged goes.

Returning to his first great teacher, Ged is told that he must learn the true name of the thing that hunts him in order to defeat it.

“The evil thing, the shadow that hunts me, has no name,” Ged whispers with resignation.

“All things have a name,” his teacher responds with certainty.

Finally, Ged realizes that he must confront the dark creature in order to stop running and return to living a whole life – or die.

Now the hunter becomes the hunted as Ged chases the dark mass, finally catching it in the middle of the sea. Ged approaches the thing and, as it morphs into hideous, ever-changing dark shapes with sharp claws and dagger teeth, Ged reaches for it.

The black spirit hisses and moans but Ged, finally facing the truth, calmly calls it by its true name: [Read more…] about Afraid of the dark? 4 lessons to help you embrace your shadow

You have a problem.

And you keep thinking and thinking about it.

It’s driving you nuts.

To get rid of the thoughts, do you ever find yourself saying something like this:

“If I just don’t think about it, it will go away.”

I’ve got news for you. [Read more…] about Try NOT to think about this: Why stuffing your problems doesn't work

This is a guest post from Paige Burkes who writes at the blog simple mindfulness.

 

 

How is it that we can spend years of our lives being students of the best personal development advice but, when we’re in the middle of our own issues and drama, all that great information goes out the window?  Our old habits and programming kick in and we wonder why we keep repeating the same patterns in life.  We lose the ability to be objective in our own lives.

Over the years I’ve experienced many setbacks and many of them have repeated themselves enough times to create patterns. Even though the people, places and circumstances were different each time, the results were always the same.  While they’re never fun to go through, I’ve learned that how I handle these setbacks is a practice and the more I practice, the better I get.  Unfortunately, it took a couple decades of blindly repeating the same negative patterns before things started to change.

What changed? [Read more…] about 4 keys to breaking negative patterns

Have you heard the saying, “What you resist, persists”? And perhaps it not only persists, but multiplies.

Watch this beautiful, thought-provoking two-minute video and we’ll talk afterwards.

The Fly & Samurai

I’m interested in what you learned from watching this serenity-seeking samurai flail away at his distractions, so please add your observations in the comments section.

Here’s what I learned: [Read more…] about 5 lessons on peace and mindfulness from a Samurai warrior

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change. ~ Carl Rogers

I was privileged to spend a day last week at a seminar led by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher in the area of self-compassion.

During an exercise early in the day that taught us how to feel compassion for another person and compassion for oneself, I was surprised to notice how hard it was to be compassionate toward myself while feeling compassion toward my partner in the exercise was quite easy.

The young woman who was my partner for the exercise said she, too, experienced the same thing: she naturally felt compassion for me, but struggled with allowing compassion for herself.

 

Learning loving-kindness

Later in the day, Dr. Neff introduced a loving-kindness meditation. She had us close our eyes and imagine someone we loved and felt very warm toward. We directed our loving-kindness toward that person and repeated silently:

May you be safe.

May you be peaceful.

May you be healthy.

May you live at ease.

Then she had us imagine ourselves sitting with the person we loved and we said to both of us silently: [Read more…] about The courage to be (self) compassionate